Ok, I have to confess it.  I have to put it out there for all to judge.  Are you ready?

I watch America’s Next Top Model…religiously.  Yes, it’s true.  I know, I know.  But the first step is admitting your addiction, right.  Now on to acceptance…

I don’t ever talk about it to anyone…I mean, I am an almost-thirty year old, semi-professional woman, mom, you know, who the hell would I talk to about it in my world?  Well, this is officially my world, so here goes.

These girls piss me right off!  I don’t watch for the drama (which there is plenty of) because 1) it just makes me hate them for being so bitchy/whiny/ungrateful in the face of such a gift, and 2) I figure a lot of the drama is due to angled filming for those people that tune in precisely for that part of the show.  I watch for the modeling.  The challenges, the shoots, the make-overs, the development, the modeling. I (like many women out there, I’m sure) had a dream once to be a model.  I went to the school (and eventually dropped out).  I went to the open calls (but couldn’t afford the trip to NY for the conventions).  I had a portfolio.  I even did the “questionable” shoot that I probably shouldn’t have, but hey, it was a learning experience, and it paid (no nudity.  I’m not that naive, but itty-bitty bikinis on a 15 year old in a teeny white room in a warehouse building…questionable.) It is true what they say though.   Opportunities come once in a lifetime.

At 17, I was offered a contract by a Japanese modeling agency…in Japan.  Not just a contract.  They were willing to push back my departure date to allow me to graduate high school, give me an apartment and living expenses in Japan, foot the bill for my travel expenses both ways, and throw in extra living expenses and transportation for someone (anyone, they didn’t care who) to come with me to help me with the transition to overseas life.  And I let it slip through my fingers.  The months leading up to graduation found me parting too much, caring too little, and focusing on all the things that were “right now” (like boys) instead of opportunities for my future.  I’ve never forgiven myself for giving up on my dream so completely.  I guess I figured another opportunity would present itself.  Not so much.

But these girls on ANTM are just plain ungrateful!  They are spoiled and don’t listen and full of themselves!

Make-over day.  Always tears.  Always complaining.  Don’t they get it?  Modeling is about selling a product in whatever way the client (ie the paycheck) wants you to.  The Japanese agency that I was to work for told me NOT to cut my hair (I had/have a fetish for ever-changing, but usually short hair).  Guess what, I grew my hair, in 100+ degree Arizona weather.  It was too short to pony-tail, too long to allow for the seldom breeze to cool the sweat on my neck, too dark brown to not intensify the oven that is Arizona, baking my head.  But that’s what you do.  You deal.  But these girls, they cry.  They complain.  They don’t listen.  They don’t trust.  Seriously, would Tyra (Banks) really give a girl she’s trying to sell a hairstyle that is going to make her un-sellable?  And on top of that, they have the world’s most  renowned hair stylist working on their hair, and they have the nerve to say “hold-on, dude” or “no.” What is that?

Ungrateful!

I wanted to try out.  I know I can at least follow direction.  At least if I could make it to make-over day, I could come home fabulous.  Even if they cut it all off and dyed it red, I could rest easy in the fact that Tyra thought it worked for me, so it must be hot.  Alas, I am twenty-nine years old (past “model-prime”) and I am only 5’5″ and while I do have a fierce runway walk, I am too short for runway and while I could do the print work, the American and European markets like a taller girl.  So no dice.  I’ve resigned myself to the fact that my modelling opportunites flew away long ago on the plane to Japan that I didn’t get on.  (Yeah, I still have my contract, put away to always remind me to hold on to my dreams)  Instead, I can hope to be the one behind the camera someday on those shoots.  Now, if only I could get someone to let me experiment on them…

And by the way, Tyra…I love that you are finally doing a show for us short girls, but seriously, couldn’t you have done that like cycle 3 instead of cycle 13?!  10 years ago, even 6 years ago I could have rocked it, fiercely! I would have blown the judges away with my fierceness!  But now, despite the temporarily lifted restriction on height (normally 5’7″) I am well past the restriction on age (although I do still get carded for cigarettes, and entry into bars/clubs.  I once got carded 3 times, in the same bar, by the same person!). Tyra, I would have listened to you.  I can smile with my eyes.  I can find the light.  I know the difference between a beauty shot and a fashion shot and I know how to walk with the wind in my hair.  I wouldn’t have whined no matter what you did to my hair.  I wouldn’t have complained about getting up early or shooting 100 feet in the air or that the harness was too tight or that the shoes hurt my feet.  I can do pretty, and ugly-pretty, and everything in between.  Seriously.  I’m that fierce.

Oh, and Tyra…you faked it once, but I really think you should shave their heads in one cycle.  That would be fierce! Not to mention incredibly entertaining!