The “Shoulds and Should Nots” of Being a Mom
Yea! I finished my book…well, not my book, but the book I purchased and was reading, and have now finished: Rockabye, by blogger Rebecca Woolfe (of (This) Girls Gone Child and Straight From the Bottle fame). It was great. Maybe not great in the sense that literary masterpieces like War and Peace, or A Tale of Two Cities is great (two books I have not read, nor have much of an interest in…although I’m sure they are great…), but great in the sense that it made me feel so much less of a freak-of-a-mom. Alone is a terrible place to be!
Hmmm, reading that post from almost a year ago, I haven’t gotten very far have I? Still thinking about/working on that book. Still struggling through single-mommyhood and toddlers alone. Still waiting for my divorce to be final. That’s just all-together depressing!
Anyway, the book. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one floundering in my mother’s perceived shadow, wondering why I can’t seem to find the time/energy/desire to wash the dishes, vacuum the floor, make the beds, help with homework, cook a healthy dinner, grocery shop, do laundry (including taking laundry out of the dryer, folding, ironing, and putting away laundry), pay bills, keep appointments organized, actually make appointments, make phone calls, write letters (send emails), participate in school stuff, get enough sleep, look decent for work everyday, never let my child out of the house with too-short pants or underwear-with-holes, do what I’m supposed to do, and do it well…the list goes on and on. I’m lucky if I can get one or two of those things done in a day, let alone all of them.
Most days I look around my house, look at the clutter of dirty dishes, stacked paperwork/bills, and overflowing laundry hampers, look at my son playing video games, look at my daughter’s picture when she’s at her dad’s or look at her playing quietly by herself, and I feel like a complete and total failure as a mother and a person.
Most days, 30 seconds into my yelling like a banshee because the kids won’t get out of bed, won’t eat their dinner, won’t clean up their toys, won’t stop whining/fighting/running in the house, I feel like the worst mother in the world…but I can’t stop then…I’ve already started and they will think they have the control…so I make silent promises to them that it won’t ever happen again…until it does. Vicious circle.
Most days I make plans on how I’m going to get organized, get motivated, get involved, be a good example for my kids, not yell, not smoke, not eat/drink junk, be creative, be fun, be healthy, and then I get home and flop on the couch, remote in hand until it’s time for bed. Just too tired.
I fight with my own rebellion, refusing to put my daughter in pink, frilly dresses, yet scolding my son for wearing Hello, Kitty socks, refusing to let them watch Barney and learn those annoying kid songs, opting instead for Foo Fighters and The Beatles, but let them watch SpongeBob Squarepants when I just can’t deal, teaching them things like “dude, you’re a crack-head” or “that’s just crap,” but forcing them to have proper table manners.
I hate followers. I hate clones. I hate “everyone else is doing it/has it/knows it, so I should too” mentalities…but is there really any room in this world for standing up for what you feel/want/whatever? Is there really any room left for open expression and exploration and personal growth after all the “you shoulds” have been pushed upon you? You should teach your child that. You should know this. You should get an iPod. You should sit up straight, comb your hair, say please and thank-you. And what about all the “you shouldn’ts?” There just doesn’t seem to be any room left for the “I wants and I feels.”
