Who needs enemies…?
This may be my last at-work written blog post for awhile, well at least this will be the last week I’m able to blog at work. Not that I’ve been writing much lately anyway, but…
I’ve been ridiculously busy, with the ever impending wedding and the total lack of preparation on my part, with my multiple tasks with “yesterday,” or completely non-existent, deadlines, with a house that, 2 months after we moved in, is still in no way, shape, or form organized…or even completely unpacked, and with a new, short-ish notice transfer to a different department that I still haven’t gotten a straight answer on when it’s actually supposed to happen.
While I am totally stoked about the transfer (it gives me multiple opportunities for learning new things, expanding my skill set, and therefore resume, and a promise of a pretty decent raise in the nearrrrrrr-ish future), I am not totally stoked about my office-mates’ reactions to my move. Not everyone, mind you. My actual friends are truly happy for me. They share at least somewhat in my excitement, and at the very least support me in this whole thing. My actual friends are, as always, wonderful. But then there are those who I thought were my friends. Silly me!
Friend. How do you define it? Dictionary.com says:
Friend. –noun 1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. 2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony. 3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe? 4. a member of the same nation, party, etc. 5. ( initial capital letter ) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker.Well, in regards to my current work-mates, 1 and 2 just go out the door. 3 is iffy on any given day. 4 is passable, and 5, well, let’s just leave 5 out of this. In all honesty, I wouldn’t have previously called all of my work-mates “friends,” otherwise why would I refer to them as “work-mates?” But I did previously call many of them friends, and those are the ones whose recent attitude, reaction, whatever is bothering me the most. Are we really that far removed? Is this comraderie that we share really that shallow? Or is it simply petty immaturity? Or maybe I’m being ridiculously oversensitive…NO! That’s not even a possibility! 
Let me explain. On-again-off-again friendships around here happen often. Whatever. It’s the nature of the beast. But suddenly, coincidentally coinciding directly with the news of my move, I’m getting a severe case of the cold shoulders everywhere I turn. There is no polite conversation. There is no “how was your weekend.” There isn’t even eye contact. And I swear whenever I walk into a room, out to the smoke pit, towards an area where any group or individual is hovering, said group or individual scatters at my presence. What the F is that about? Really? I’m going to a different office so now you have NOTHING to say to me? We can’t be pseudo-friends? You can’t even manage a polite “hello”? I give up.
I’ve decided I’m past the point of caring…but really I’m not. Not even a little. It hurts, people. These are people I’ve spend the most time with over the last 3 or so years. These are the people I’ve had actual conversations with on a daily basis (til now). Most of these people I thought I could depend on in a pinch, call if I was in trouble, reach out to for help…but yeah, apparently not so much. I don’t make friends easily. I don’t open up often. I don’t trust many. And for anyone that I consider a friend or that I open up to or trust, even a little, to suddenly, inexplicably just cut off all interaction…it feels like a punch to the gut. And there are multiples of them.
Ah, well…this too shall pass, right? Moving on and moving up and all that other happy horse-shit. No biggie. I’m a big girl and I’ve lived through much worse in my life than a few hurt feelings. Hmmm…maybe there’s still time to save some money on the headcount for the wedding….
