Change in the house of fives*
*as in five-year-olds. Ok, so that was pretty bad.
The boy has been taking us to hell and back with his mood swings lately. I firmly believe it is a combination of a case of terrible -uh- fives, and a butt-ton of changes to his already topsy-turvy life. Since the ripe old age of 10 months, he’s been shuffled back and forth between his dad and me, graduating to a two-week on/off schedule which began at about 2 years old. Poor kid, although I must say he is always the most well behaved kid on the plane!
My house and his dad’s house are very different environments to boot. Polar opposites even. I strive for peace in my home life. Uncluttered (although not always succeeding at this one), respect of other’s speaking, listening, a generally lower noise level, organized schedules. I think these things are important, especially when dealing with children, especially when dealing with my children who have far too much chaos in their lives as it is. They need a place of calm, of comfort, of safety for their thoughts and emotions. (Damn, I’m sounding very touchy-feely here…) Both the ex-men’s houses are full of people, thus noise. Plus, there is no respect for others’ talking. I think this may be a side-effect to big families that I’ve never really experienced in my own childhood as I was an only child. They all talk over one-another. I guess the goal is to be louder so you are heard. The result is just, well, noise. The ex-men (and their parents…have I mentioned they are grown men, with kids, still living with mommy and daddy?) don’t keep to any sort of schedule or basic structure. Meals are whenever, however. i.e. eat a bite, go play, come back for two more, etc, etc. Naps may happen, or not. Bedtime is whenever they a) pass out on the couch, or b) daddy wants to have some alone time with his girlfriend. This bothers me to no end.
In recent months, the boy has started school, cut down severely on his back-and-forth between his now full-time home with me and his dad’s house, and Mr. W has come back into our lives, full time, in our home (Mr. W’s home, but you know what I mean). It’s a lot for the boy’s 5-year old mind to process. So he’s acting out. A lot. He goes from whiny and completely unable to do anything on his own, to absolutely beaming with happiness, giggling with that oh-so-cute giggle of his, to quiet boy playing his games, to constant talker boy, just aching for attention of any kind, which usually leads back to whiny if he doesn’t get the attention which is apparently vital to his very survival.
It’s all very frustrating. For him, for me, for Mr. W. He’s trying to figure things out without even knowing what to figure out. He’s trying to find his role and his safe spot in all the chaos. He’s trying to ensure he is surrounded by the love we profess at all times, lest he be forgotten. He’s trying our freaking patience! I feel bad for him, but sometimes I want to just shake him and say, “LOOK! I love you. Mr. W loves you. We know you are there. We know what you are able to do and not do. SO STOP MESSING AROUND! Be strong, little padawan. We are here for you, but you must find your own way to be a true Jedi.” And he would totally get it…well, if he was actually listening at the time…because he is a total Star Wars fiend (so proud of that, btw!). But he won’t listen. Can’t listen. And the wheel keeps turning, threatening to spin our family happiness right into space (like the outer rim deep…like Tatooine deep…yeah).
So how do I reach him? How do I make him feel secure enough to just be a happy 5-year old kid? He has enough to deal with: school, new friends, divorced parents, step-family (ex#2) side-stepping out of his life, new siblings (Mr. W’s kids), tying shoes, and just being 5. I know phases happen. I know testing happens. I know change is inevitable, but this is more. He’s insecure and confused, and worse, he doesn’t even know it. Oh, and in two months, school is out and he goes to his dad’s for a good portion of the summer. What then?
Tags: Star Wars