I got it!  I got it!  I got it! 

The newest addition to our technological family arrived on Friday afternoon, after a long day of waiting by the door, checking the door, opening the door to see if anyone or anything was there, checking the doorbell to make sure it still worked…and then I saw it.  The glint of the sun reflecting off the white of the Fed Ex truck.  I ran to the door to greet the wonderful Fed Ex lady as she held it lovingly in her arms.  And it was huge! 

She was nice enought to bring it in the house for me because at 31 lbs, I can’t lift it.  Which means I couldn’t take it out of the box and do a naked worshippy dance for it…or, you know, just set it up and play with it…either one. 

So, the specs for the geeky types:

• 27″ Backlit, widescreen LED iMac  Yes, I did say 27 inches of LED fabulocity!
• 3.33GHz Intel Core 2 Duo processor with 6MB shared L2 cache
• 8GB (two 4GB SO-DIMMs) of 1066MHz DDR3 SDRAM
• 1TB 7200-rpm Serial ATA hard drive
• ATI Radeon HD 4850 graphics processor with 512MB of GDDR3 memory
• Built in iSight camera, mic, stereo speakers, wireless, bluetooth, Ethernet…you name it!

In the box:

• iMac
• Apple Keyboard w/ Number pad (I couldn’t do the wireless because I need the number pad on my keyboard) 
• Magic Mouse (the most amazing mouse ever!)
• Cleaning cloth
• Power cord
• Install/restore DVDs
• Printed and electronic documentation
• Apple Remote

And for the Greenies:

• Arsenic-free display glass
• BFR-free
• PVC-free⁵
• Highly recyclable aluminum and glass enclosures
• Meets ENERGY STAR 5.0 requirements
• Rated EPEAT Gold⁷

And I call him Mr. Wonderful!!  Yes, Mr. W ordered it for me, and took care of all the upgrades to make it just what I want!  I am such a lucky girl!  He set it up for me Friday night too, overwhelming my now seemingly little desk with the iMac’s massiveness and fantasticness!  It’s. seriously. HUGE!  And the “Magic Mouse” is the coolest mouse ever!  (ok, let me pause here to apologize about my overenthusiasm for exclaimation points in this post, but I’m a little excited over the whole thing, so bear with me.)  The “Magic Mouse” works kinda like the touchpad on the MacBooks, for those of you who know how they work anyway.  It’s a thin, wireless, bluetooth, optical mouse with only one button which covers the whole surface.  You can program it to use a single button, or two buttons, which just means you push the right-ish or left-ish side of the mouse to make it respond.  There is no scroll wheel.  Instead, you just scroll your single finger up and down, or left and right on the  mouse for scrolling.  Also, there is a two-finger feature which allows you to flip through web pages, photos, even andvance/rewind video by sliding two fingers horizontally across the mouse.  Oh, and you can zoom your screen by holding down the cntrl key and single-finger scrolling up or down, which is really handy when your monitor is 27 freaking inches and your web pages insist on remaining normal web page size and you can’t figure out how to maximize your window because it’s technically not a window since you are on a Mac OS and not on Windows, but it looks just like a window, but different, and totally doesn’t behave like a window…*whew* sorry about that…just some change-over frustration there…but totally worth it!

Here’s the “Magic Mouse”

It really is a fantatic and aesthetically pleasing little thing! 

And without further ado…drum roll…here he is:

In the box

And on my (seemingly small) desk

 

Mr. W and I have been together for two years, give or take a couple days/weeks/…  Ok, so we don’t know the exact date of our anniversary, and by this time next year we will be married (or at least that’s the plan) so it doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things sort of way.  We went out on our first date sometime in November, before Thanksgiving of 2007, and ended up officially together at some point thereafter without even really realizing it.  So the anniversary day is all sort of fuzzy.  Last year, he was in Iraq and sent me surprise flowers for our one-year.  (Awww, ain’t he sweet?!) But this year…this year is different.

IT’S LIKE PULLING FREAKING TEETH TO GET HIM TO AKNOWLEDGE THE THING!

What is it about men?  Seriously, there are a couple times a year you guys have to suck it up and pretend (convincingly, convincinglyis important!) that you are into all that relationship-y mushy stuff:  Valentine’s Day,  birthday,  anniversary, and possibly New Years Eve (you know, the kissing thing at midnight…which I’ve never done coincidentally…).  That’s basically it.  Four events a year to feign excitement for.  FOUR!  I mean, I get it, ya’ll aren’t into it.  “It’s just another day.”  “It’s just a holiday for girls.”  “It’s something Hallmark and the chocolate people made up to make money.”  Whatever!  Suck it up and tell her you love her already.  Do or say that thing you know makes her weak in the knees and all fluttery in the tummy.  You know what it is.  Besides, you’ll probably get something out of it in the end anyway. 

We sort of picked a day last year which ended up being the day he sent flowers.  Made sense.  Of course neither of us kept track of the day, so this year I’ve made several attempts, in vain, to pin down a day for “us,” for celebration.  Mr. W keeps insisting on Thanksgiving, but:

1. I don’t want to share “our” day with any other National holiday.
2. Thanksgiving isn’t the same date every year.
3. You can’t go out for a romantic dinner on Thanksgiving because if family doesn’t happen to be involved in your plans, the local Chinese fast food place is probably going to be the only option.
4. We are spending Thanksgiving this year with his family, after a long road trip to Michigan, with four kids in the car, at a hotel, with same said four kids…not so romantic to me.  And it’s all about the romance, DAMMIT!

Very rarely am I that “girly-girl.”  But, I do like me some romance from time to time.  I’m allowed.  I make up for it in other ways.  I’m not going to list those ways right now (or probably ever) but just trust  me, I do make up for it.  And now I’m at my very familiar, too familiar, annoyingly familiar crossroad:  Do I hold out and demand what I want, or do I just say F*%@ it and give up?  With everything else going on in my life, I’m tempted to hold out for at least one thing…but who am I kidding?  With everything else going wrong in my life.  Disappointingly, dishearteningly, disgruntled-ly wrong…I’m most likely going to go with the latter, you know, for consistency’s sake. 

*sigh…*

update:  Shortly after posting this, I got an email from the folks at homeaway.com.  The subject line was this:  “Re-Ignite the Passion with a Couples Getaway.”  Hmmm…have they been reading?

It’s been awhile, I know.  A lot’s been going on though, ya know.

I got my catheter “installed.”  Not sure how else to put it.  The surgery was uneventful.  Well, as far as I know, but then again I was in what they called a “twilight sedation” so I have no clue what happened during that hour, or for a couple hours after apparently.  Mr. W said I was pretty out of it and has reminded me of a couple conversations I had after I thought I was aware, but apparently not so much.  It’s no big thing really.  And literally.  Basically, there is a normal sized IV tube entering my skin about 4 inches below my collarbone.  There is a winged plastic tab at the insertion site which is stitched to my skin there, but my nurse explained yesterday that this really isn’t necessary, and actually more of a nuisance for cleaning.  She suggested I have my doctor remove it in a couple weeks.  There is a cuff of sorts at the site, on the inside, which is designed so that my skin actually grows into it, providing a barrier to the outside world.  Pretty cool stuff.  The IV tube is tunneled under my skin and up about 3 inches, where there is another incision site.  This is where the tube actually goes into a vein, and continues down towards my heart.  All in all, it’s not so pretty, but really not that bad.  Of course, there is about 6 inches of tubing coming out of my chest, the end of which has a fairly large nozzle-y thing which is what I connect to my meds during my infusions. 

The infusions are simple.  I push 10 ccs of saline from a pre-loaded, needle-less syringe.  Then the antibiotics.  The image of IV antibiotics is a pole with a bag that works on gravity, forcing you to be stationary for as long as it takes for the bag to empty.  But oh the amazingness that is modern medicine!  I have these “accu-flo” antibiotic balls that are just fabulous.  Well, as fabulous as being on IV meds can be.  I hook it up to my little nozzle thingy, flip the clamp, and the pressurized ball pumps in the antibiotics at whatever pre-set rate.  (In my case, 100mL over 30 mins)   Once connected, I can get up, move around, do whatever instead of being tied to an IV pole.  After the antibiotics, another 10 ccs of saline, followed by 5 ccs of heparin, which apparently stays in the tube to ward off any blood-clots or blockages, but which also apparently I don’t need to use since I have a Groshong catheter which is specifically designed to not have clots or blockages, thus avoiding the need for heparin flushes.  Hmmm…doing it anyway…at least for now.  Of course there is lots of hand-washing and hand sanitizing and alcohol wiping going on all along the way.  But all in all, no biggie.

The hardest thing about all of this is logistics.  The whole process takes about 45 minutes, give or take an extra hand-washing.  Plus, the antibiotics are stored in the fridge, so have to be removed and warmed to room temperature naturally, 4 -6 hours prior to use.  Also, I do two a day, 12 hours apart.  I’ve been doing 9am/9pm, which means I take one dose out of the fridge at 5am when I first get up for the day, but then have to do that dose at work.  Also, on the weekends when I’d like to sleep a little later, I still have to set my alarm for 5am just to take it out of the fridge.  The nurse said I could take it out the night before, stretch the extra 2 hours for 8 hours of sleep (uh-huh, sure I get 8 hours) and do it in the morning.  But that means I have to add 45 minutes to my getting ready for work, so I have to get up at 4ish instead of 5ish.  YUCK!  Also, that means I actually have to be awake at the crack-of-freaking-dawn on the weekends as well in order to maintain that every-12-hours-constant-levels-of-antibiotics-in-your-system thing.  Yeah, still working on that one.

Also, I CAN’T SHOWER!  Don’t worry, I’m bathing.  In a bathtub.  Which I hate.  Nothing like sitting in your own filth!  Plus the bottom of you is wet and warm, but the top of you is dry and cold, and the water doesn’t stay hot…or clean…yeah, not a fan of baths.  They do make waterproof sleeves for PICC lines, but those are for arms and legs.  You can’t put a sleeve over your boob and expect it to keep water out.  I’ve tried the plastic wrap and tape combo, but the pesky area between side-boob and armpit just doesn’t cooperate.  It’s kind of foldy and stretchy, so tape doesn’t want to stay put with movement and water in the mix, and one handed hair washing just doesn’t work. *hrumph*  To remedy the hair washing thing, I chopped it all off.  So much for growing it out for the wedding!  This way I don’t have to wash it every day.  When I do wash, or should I say Mr. W washes my hair (and I call him Mr. Wonderful!), the short hair makes it significantly easier.  He is very good at it and I’m loving every second of the pampering at his hand, but he’s bald and has been for years, so has very little familiarity on what it takes to get long hair actually clean and conditioned.  Ah, well.  They do make very convincing hairpieces nowadays…

Beyond all this, I “shouldn’t” pick up my kids (uh, yeah right) or exerting myself with lifting or stretching or anything like that.  And there is the wardrobe thing. 

I gave up on hiding it immediately after the thought crossed my mind.  What the hell for?  I’m not ashamed.  Yeah, I have an illness.  So what?  It’s not like I can help it or I did something bad.  So what if people look and wonder.  Ask away and I’ll be happy to share!  I do keep the actual insertion site covered, mostly, just because it seems to gross people out a little.  But my happy bandage is out there for all to see!  But then there is the matter of the tube.  I don’t really care about it’s visibility, but the comfort level is different.  See the head of the tube, the part where I hook up my meds, it’s rather bulky.   I imagined just tucking it all into my bra, but, no.  That’s just not comfortable at all.  Hanging isn’t an option really.  It’s 6 inches of tubing with a 2 inch nozzle on the end.  Not practical.  I have figured that tops with a built-in shelf bra seem to work out.  I’ve got two tank tops like that, which I’ve been wearing under everything.  But, alas, it is winter, and the tanks have gone off the shelves at the store in favor of warmer clothes.  Dammit!  But then there is Victoria’s Secret!  Ah, Vicky!  Making my life a little better, one under garment at a time!    Victoria’s Secret has these “bra-tops” which I normally hate because the “bra” part is nothing near as fabulous as their normal bras and I just have to wear a normal bra with it anyway, so why bother?  But, they do all have that handy shelf part that perfectly holds my nozzle-y thing in a semi-secure area, without digging or pinching or anything!  And wa-la…another reason to shop! 

So there is some silver lining, I’ll admit it.  Oh, yeah, and eventually (I’m going to have this for at least the next 4 months) I will get better.  But until then, I’m sure there will be more bitching about it. 

 I apologize in advance.    

At least I talked about boobs and under-garments too. 

Your welcome!

The so-called “honeymoon phase” of a relationship is a grand and wonderful thing.  Everything seems to fall away in the presence of, or even a mere thought of that new(ish) someone special.  One can easily pass hours, days, weeks without even realizing.  Time is easily filled with just being together.  *sigh* And how long does it last?  I guess it’s different for different people in different situations.  I suppose it could easily go on for years with a young couple in the prime of their lives and careers, with no kids or severe responsibilities.  When talking and love-making are all that’s really important. 

Someone recently told me “you can’t stop the Earth from spinning.”  It’s true.  You can’t.  I’ve tried.  Oh, to hold on to those honeymoon times forever.  To shed responsibility and live in the rapture that is new love.  It feels almost as if the Earth has stopped spinning for those moments…almost.  But in the end it all comes back into focus in jarring reality.  Life does in fact go on, and responsibilities still sit at your door and wait for you, no matter how long it takes for you to come out. 

Mr. W and I have a fantastic relationship.  In the beginning, we were fully enchanted with the honeymoon stages of things.  Responsibilities fell away and things like sleep just didn’t feel important.  Of course, this was also before the boy started school and my kids were still on the 2 weeks here, 2 weeks there rotation, so, no, I did not totally cast off all responsibility for a piece of ass, thank you very much.  Anyway.  Right around the time we moved in together and he left for Iraq, all that slowing of the Earth on its axis snapped back with full force and we’ve been struggling to recover ever since. 

There are: kid issues, health issues (oh, my are there health issues!), a need for sleep that can’t be ignored, insomnia (on both our parts), schedules with my exes, schedules with his ex, schedules with work, schedules with family, pets, holidays, time off, sick time, working, college, schools, housework, yard work, financial issues, stresses from all sides, creative transportation arranging (i.e. carting kids here and there), doctors appointments for 6 different people, dentist appointments, braces, learning to drive, buying a car, buying a house, selling a house, moving, storing, decluttering, organizing, Christmas shopping, dinners, lunches, groceries, cooking, planning, exercising, not exercising, great intentions and epic fails…the list of life goes on and on…and on.

It all seems to have come at once, knocking us square on our asses, struggling to regain our footing in the world, that damn spinning world.  But we are doing it together.  We are side by side in all of it, helping each other get a foothold here, dragging each other down as we slip there, but together through it all.  In the end, what more could you really ask for? 

I don’t think a successful relationship can be judged purely on happiness.  Seriously.  No one, no one in the world is 100% happy 100% of the time.  It’s not possible.  Unless they secretly found a way to stop the Earth from spinning and are happily living in one of their moments of happiness, but I highly doubt it.  The glory of life is it’s ups and downs.  How can you possibly know how good things are now if they’ve never been bad?  How can you know true happiness if you’ve never felt sadness?  How can you  know the true height of joy if you’ve never seen the true depth of despair?  Good and evil must coexist in order to be, so how could the same not hold true to the other pairs?  Mr. W and I have both been to the lowest of lows and have come out the other side fully ready to appreciate the high that is us.  We’ve had heartbreak and have mended each other’s hearts.  We’ve had despair and brought tears of joy to each other’s eyes.  We’ve been broken and have worked to put each other back together again.  That’s just how we roll. 

The best of the best?  We are just there.  Through the hard and the bad and the sad and the stressing, we are there.  No time in our relationship (so far) has been harder than now.  But we are still there.  All those things I listed above, all those responsibilities and “problems,”  yeah, we’ve got them.  Even without the added external stresses (kids, jobs, schools, etc, etc) we have quite literal “shit” going on just with us, or more to the point, me.  My Lyme disease = pain (physical for me, emotional for him), moodiness on both sides, stress, worry, and more stress, financial difficulty (yeah, doctors’ bills.  Gotta love ‘em!), and limits in just about everything, and really, who likes having limits?  But he’s there.  He’s here.  He stands by me.  Yes, sometimes he has trouble accepting his role of stand-next-to-er and tries to do that man thing of trying to fix everything.  But he’s working on that.  I can see where it’s hard to be helpless in all this.  To witness so much pain and suffering and not be able to do a thing about it.  I understand. 

And he tries. 

And we do it all together.  As best friends, as lovers, as soul-mates, as the most wonderful us we can be.  Together. 

******************************************************************************************************************************************************** 

I’m getting my chest port/Groshong catheter put in on Friday morning.  I’m freaking the hell out!  He quit smoking already, for me, and for him, and for me.  He said he finally has a reason to want to live a long healthy life.  All together now: *awwww*    I’m quitting too, although not as abruptly, or successfully.  But it’s hard to quit when you are freaking the hell out about something less than a week away.  He gets it without my explanation.  He accepts my weakness and loves me still.  Would you still love me if I were 400lbs?  Would you still love me if I lost all my hair?  Will you still love me when I’m old?  Will you still love me with a 4″ long tube sticking out of my chest? 

Of course he will.  And I call him Mr. Wonderful!